Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Dear Family,

Today is the worst day of the month for me. I'm sorry. I just can't help it.

As a family, this whole extreme PMS thing is fairly new to us. You know, you've been relatively lucky. I have spent the majority of the past 19 years pregnant or breastfeeding, so we've all been largely spared the horror. Sure, you've had to deal with a sometimes-unstable pregnant mom, or a cranky, sleep-deprived postpartum mom, but there was always that baby to look forward to or the newborn to fawn over.

Those days are over now. The twins are out of babyhood and long past weaning, and there are no new babies on the horizon. Now we have nothing to anticipate except the arrival of Aunt Flow.

It was never like this when I was younger, when the worst I had to deal with was extreme cramps the first two days. Nothing like it is now - NOW, I feel like my mind's been hijacked and I've become some other insane person that I don't like or understand.

Sometimes I don't realize it's happening to me until I'm well in the middle of it. It starts as a vague, unsettled feeling inside. Then I feel like I'm going to shake apart, like I'm losing my mind. The first time it happened to me, earlier this year, I seriously suspected I might be going crazy. Now, at least, I can recognize it for the temporary hormonal insanity that it is.

For approximately 24 hours, everything bothers me. The smallest task feels too big to contemplate. My mind is exhausted. Everything makes me cry. You didn't realize it, but I was sitting behind you today while we were watching Finding Nemo, silently weeping at all the fish pulling together to escape the fishing boat's net. The grumpy old lady at the supermarket, grouching out loud because we were in her way, made me cry right there at the checkout.

I really don't know what to do to make this better, but at least recognizing it is a small step. I hope that this is the start of early menopause for me. If it isn't, we're in for a long haul. I think the best thing for all of us is that for those 24 hours, you don't make any messes, scurry around doing every bit of housework imaginable, don't fight, and just generally try to be invisible. Yeah, that ought to do it.


For all of us.

Love, Mom

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  1. I get so mad when my husband says, "You must be about to start your period," because OF COURSE he's always right : p

  2. I totally feel for ya! I have certainly had those times of the month, but not every time thank goodness! Your expressions of frustration were actually very sweet!